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Into the Dark of Night | Part 8 – The Quandary

Continued from Part 7 – This Isn’t My Path


It’s been about a week or so since I’ve had the time to blog about my friend, Nick. If you remember, he was acting strangely, disappearing for a long spell, and acting distant when he did reappear. For me, I was sure he was using again, but when I asked he said he was not. I also mentioned he and I went through an alcohol and drug treatment some eighteen years ago. When I finally was able to get him to talk to me, he said he was going through the 12 steps and had some amends to make. I was all ears whenever he was ready.

Another couple days went by, and I kept myself busy with work.

This has always been, and still continues to be, the part of being sober that I struggle with. When to be aggressive with friends about their program and when to back off, let them come to me and be available when they do. Well, as available as one can be. I struggle because I don’t want to intrude. I can’t force someone to get sober or to stay sober. They have to want it. They have to make that decision. If I become to consumed in their plight, well, I may lose myself in it as well. That wouldn’t be good.

On the other side of the coin is the part about giving back. The part in the 12th Step where it says, “…we tried to carry this message to alcoholics…” comes to mind for me. I also think, “what sort of friend am I if I don’t do something to help my friend.” I hope you can understand my quandary.

It was at this point, after trying not to obsess, but failing miserably, I reached out to mutual friends. My gut told me Nick was in trouble, and I knew that I didn’t want to hear on the news, read on the web, or even see an announcement on Facebook that something happened to him, or something worse, like death.


Check out Part 9Trouble in New York