You know something? I can be sober as long as I am, work the steps, follow what my heart tells me but sometimes I just have a hard time with acceptance. Man, I kick, scream, deny, bargain, and then when I am totally exhausted, plotting and scheming in my head, I then realized this is just about not getting my way, or doing it the way I want it to be done. The word acceptance finds its way into my vocabulary. The storm slows, the tides recede and my defensive walls begin to crumble. I am not longer plotting and scheming to get my way.
So, why am suddenly blogging about acceptance?
I have to admit, I have a great life. I am sober, healthy, and relatively smart and open to a lot of life’s situations. My main character defect is disliking change of any sort, which is totally ridiculous because I face change nearly every day. But those changes are usually small, often times infinitesimal. I barely know the changes in me or around me are happening, but I just know they happen.
I am very fortunate (I need to tell myself that from time to time). There are the times where I can sit, smile and say, “Wow, can my life get better than this moment in time right now?” After 48 years with 20 years of sobriety, you would think I’d learn that as soon as I utter those words my life is about to change drastically. I should realize that…not that I won’t say it, but to know that change is about to happen and that the life I just had yesterday is not the life I have today.
Change happens. My choice is to either fight it every step of the way, being careful to set up the road blocks to minimize how quickly it happens or to just know that however it changes I will be okay. I will adapt, survive and most likely flourish like I have many times. I might not be able to see it at this moment in time, but it will work out for the best.
My main priority is to myself and my sobriety. It might just be time to buckle down and hold tight, because change is on its way.