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Essence of Growth

“Let us never fear needed change. Certainly we have to discriminate between changes for better. But once a need becomes clearly apparent in an individual, in a group, or in A.A. as a whole, it has long since been found out that we cannot stand still and look the other way.

The essence of all growth is a willingness to change for the better and then an unremitting willingness to shoulder whatever responsibility this entails.”

This was the topic of my 7am meeting today. Yes, I said, ‘7am.’ Although I don’t always care to get up earlier than I have to, have breakfast, walk the dogs, morning meditate and walk to the meeting at this time, I do it anyway. Why? Well, because I need to. It’s my morning time, and as I like to say “Nothing like a belly and head full of AA to start the day.” Alright, so I am probably not the first to coin that statement, but I think it holds true for me. I sometimes wish I was better at getting to these meetings.

So, why is this specific page, Page 115, in “As Bill Sees It” such a great page for me? Well, I dislike change. Although I know ‘good or bad’ change is part of my life. Ironically, more times than not what feels like a bad change works into something that is actually a great change. Not just good, but great. The problem is trusting this change will work out and that I need to go through a little bit of pain to get to the other side. Sort of like what I am going through now.

One of my character defects I continually work on, but sometimes lose sight of, is co-dependency. I see someone and I can’t help but want to help them – especially if this someone is somebody I love. It seems incredibly innocent at first. I offer to help, I offer to be there, and I offer to unburden part of the heavy load they are carrying. It goes on for a bit, and I see happiness, which ultimately attributes to my happiness and well-being.

Sounds innocent enough, right? And I think for the most part it is. Here’s where it gets tricky. It’s when I place my activities and desires aside, believing I can come back to them once I help this loved one. But, next thing I know, I am supporting this person’s needs more than my own, and if they are unhappy then I am unhappy. Like clockwork, I build a brick wall of resentment, slather some mortar of anger and suddenly the world is an awful place.

At that point, I pull back, cut them off, and refuse to do anything for them. You know, the whole “I’ll show YOU how much YOU need ME.” The crappy part is that I am actually angry with myself. I am angry that I’ve come to depend on this person to make me happy, as opposed to finding my happiness the old-fashioned way.

So, what to do? I head to a meeting and search for anything that will relate…and BAM! There it is – right in front of me.



Letting Go!

Recovery Rob BIO

Recovery Rob is a 48-year-old man who has more than twenty years of sobriety, whose drugs of choice at one time were alcohol and drugs, and he has worked in and around the field of addiction for more than 20 years. Having just recently launched his own website,, he hopes to reach out and continue to help others who work through their process of addiction and recovery. Recovery Rob is a professional writer who has published two novels and is currently working on his third. He has been writing and working as Pat Moore Foundation’s premiere blogger and content writer, which helps keeps Pat Moore Foundation’s addiction and recovery blog top-rated.