Continued from: Al-Anon – Controlling Situations We Can’t
Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
As much as I love working my program, there are times where work takes hold, as does my life outside of my addiction. Although my addiction is paramount to all I do, affecting the way I see, hear and think, I work to live my life in as normal a manner as I can. After all, I live in a world where alcohol is present. The only way to escape it is to ignore it and live in a world of denial. I don’t do that anymore.
If you’ve been reading along, you’ll know I have a spouse who drinks; sometimes more than is comfortable for me. I will add that I am open to the possibility that one drink is too much, however that might not be a true reality of anything. I live in a world of alcoholism, so sometimes my perceptions can be skewed. Resentments have built on my end. I had begun to experience a familiar insanity creep into my life again. I thought that after 19 years of sobriety I’d dealt with most of my demons. And, I would be lying if I said my ego doesn’t take hold of me, pushing me to make judgments on those who drink, abuse alcohol, or who are possibly active alcoholics. I’m thankful that I more aware of this character defect and that NOW, almost as soon as it rears its ugly head I can snap it off and continue on without that clouded judgment.
I should say at this point that I don’t think anyone who drinks is an alcoholic. There is a whole world of people who can just have a beer and stop.
So, back to me, Al-anon meetings and step work. I was reading some Al-anon/Alateen literature and there was part of a paragraph that stuck out to me. Unfortunately, at the top of the literature it states I cannot reproduce any of it without prior written permission, so I will paraphrase those sentences. Hopefully I will do them justice.
What I found as a newcomer to Al-Anon was that people were not telling me what to do regarding my ‘problem’ at home; they simply shared their own experiences, which ultimately allowed me to reach a well thought out reaction as opposed to an emotional reaction. What I quickly discovered about myself is that sometimes I give advice on how people should handle their situations, which is actually judging the lives of others. That thought, that knowledge, makes me cringe inside. I don’t want to come off as superior, but sometimes I do.
Further to that, I am beginning to realize that my ‘issues’ are not about my spouse drinking. My ‘issues’ are around the fact I can’t drink in safety. Whether or not my spouse is an alcoholic is not up to me to decide. I can have the thought “I think my spouse is an alcoholic,” but it’s what I do with that thought that counts.
So, by giving this ‘thought’ up to my higher power, or a God of my understanding, I’ve come to a place where the insanity I once felt has departed. Well, for the most part. There is always more work to do.
Recovery Rob BIO
Recovery Rob is a 47-year-old man who has more than nineteen years of sobriety, whose drugs of choice at one time were alcohol and drugs, and he has worked in and around the field of addiction for more than 20 years. Having just recently launched his own website, www.askrecoveryrob.com, he hopes to reach out and continue to help others who work through their process of addiction and recovery. Recovery Rob is a professional writer who has published two novels and is currently working on his third. He has been writing and working as Pat Moore Foundation’s premiere blogger and content writer, which helps keeps Pat Moore Foundation’s addiction and recovery blog top-rated.
Continued: Looking into Step 3 of Al-Anon