As like most drug addicts, I underestimated the power of my addiction and the obsession and desire for that first hit and/or drink. It took me a long time and pain to understand that I’m completely powerless over the obsession that takes me back out, making me relapse. I know what works to prevent this but sometimes it is difficult to work though the steps.
I needed to take the 12 steps and go through that process with a sponsor, and be active in meetings to get to the point where I’m obsession free. When I am doing this on a daily basis The obsession doesn’t come up.
There are ways people can look at drug addiction treatment facilities, and I won’t say if something is wrong or right. I will just tell you what did and did not work for me. At first I was looking to get ‘fixed’ in treatment, to get away from everything for awhile and get myself physically better. I do believe that stepping out of your current life, if you can, is a good thing, but for me I had trouble taking that time and looking at myself emotionally and spiritually. I didn’t get that there was more than one side to sobriety, a “sobriety triangle” if you will. I didn’t take an honest look at my drug use to see just how serious it was.
I was way too busy being worried about how “well” I was doing or how well others would think I was doing. I was more worried about what others were thinking of me instead of honestly looking at the damage my using was causing in my life and the life of those around me.
Finding myself would come, but many lessons would be learned along the way.
Check out my next blog “Not All Change Is Good.”