Although it’s no surprise, I have to say the older I get the more I experience in life. I’ve had some dark days in the past, some so dark I could barely get through the minute. There periods in my active addiction when the light at the end of the tunnel wasn’t visible, and I felt the darkness creeping towards me. Sometimes, I don’t know how I made it through that time, as my world felt as if it were falling apart. Most obviously those feeling were heightened even more to due to my alcohol and drug consumption. Sometimes, there were days, I wished I didn’t have to live through my experiences, my bad choices, and that’s why I used even more. Maybe I could just black it all out one day. If there were warning signs, I was in capable to notice, as I was too high or drunk to care.
There were a lot of experiences I’ve shared through this blog, and those experiences were my road to recovery. It wasn’t until after I had some clean and sober time was finally able to face the dark demon or what I refused to call suicide.
Here are some warning signs or suicidal thoughts many people experience:
- Talking about suicide, including making such statements as "I'm going to kill myself," "I wish I was dead" or "I wish I hadn't been born"
- Getting the means to commit suicide, such as getting a gun or stockpiling pills
- Withdrawing from social contact and wanting to be left alone
- Having mood swings, such as being emotionally high one day and deeply discouraged the next
- Being preoccupied with death, dying or violence
- Feeling trapped or hopeless about a situation
- Increased use of alcohol or drugs
- Changing normal routine, including eating or sleeping patterns
- Doing risky or self-destructive things, such as using drugs or driving recklessly
- Giving away belongings or getting affairs in order
- Saying goodbye to people as if they won't be seen again
- Developing personality changes, such as becoming very outgoing after being shy
Warning signs aren't always obvious, though, and they vary from person to person. Some people make their intentions clear, while others keep suicidal thoughts and feelings secret. If you find yourself experiencing any of these thoughts or warning signs, talk to someone. Life does get better and suicide is a permanent answer to a temporary problem.
If you need help right away, please call the National Suiced Prevention Hotline at 1.800. 273.TALK, or 1.888.292.4049.
Recovery Rob is a 47-year-old man who has more than nineteen years of sobriety, whose drugs of choice at one time were alcohol and drugs, and he has worked in and around the field of addiction for more than 20 years. Recovery Rob is a professional writer who has published two novels and is currently working on his third. He has been writing and working as Pat Moore Foundation’s premiere blogger and content writer, which helps keeps Pat Moore Foundation’s addiction and recovery blog top-rated.