After being in drug detox and treatment for three weeks, I was a little frightened about leaving. I had one week left and the setting allowed me to get to know some people there pretty well, so I was feeling good about my recovery and physically feeling good again. Although I had a lot to learn. There's a saying, "You're only as sick as your secrets," and I was about to find out first hand just how sick.
When I went into treatment I had a girlfriend who said she'd wait for me, but that didn't stop me from flirting with this girl in rehab. She and I ended up getting together while we were both in treatment. Now I had a secret. I was feeling guilty and felt I had to keep the secret for the last four days. It was distracting because I was focused on what I'd done. I rationalized that the relationship with my girlfriend was for all intents and purposes over anyway, so I neatly tucked that secret away.
I was allowed to go out on pass during the last week and my sister came to take me to see a movie. My family was still very supportive and active in family group at the treatment center, which was uncomfortable but very helpful for the family to learn about addiction. On the night before being coined out, which is like a graduation of sorts, we decided to go out and celebrate. There were three of us being coined out, the girl I'd been seeing, another friend, and I. We went to a local bar restaurant to eat. The girl I’d been seeing ordered a beer.
I knew this wasn’t going to end well, and since my problem wasn't with alcohol, I rationalized myself into having a beer also. I was driving and really not a big drinker, yet, so I stopped at two. The other two did not. It was the beginning of another secret and a downward spiral. So, I had just to coin out the next day, and a bunch of secrets.
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