So, there I was, fresh from my thirty-days in drug and alcohol treatment, and in the eyes of most who knew me I was doing very well and was back on track. I’d drank, but nobody knew except for me and the two buddies I’d been with on that night.
As I was approaching ‘graduation,’ I vaguely remember my counselor recommending I consider going to a sober living home. I had been living with my girlfriend when I entered treatment and my counselor thought it would be best if I let things settle down in my home. But, instead of going to sober living, I thought it best to get a place of my own for awhile. So, after getting out of drug treatment, I got my own place, traded my SUV in for a fancy sports car, and rationalized these decisions by telling myself that all the changes would be good for me.
Despite having drank the last night of treatment, I did leave treatment feeling good, physically. I thought I had a lot of knowledge about myself and alcoholism, and I had a lot of confidence in my ability to stay clean. I felt I would be able to resist temptation. I’d been out of treatment for about two weeks now and was staying clean, was moving things into my new apartment, back in the swing of things at work, attending the weekly after care meetings, and a few Narcotics Anonymous meetings. Life was good.
One afternoon I was feeling a little “off” so I called my friend that I met in treatment and asked him if he’d like to go get some coffee. He met me at work and I could tell that something wasn’t right, he said he’d been struggling and proceeded to open his fanny pack to reveal a ½ ounce of cocaine. My first reaction was “what the hell are you doing?” my second reaction was “well, better give me some.” I spent the next two days getting loaded in my new apartment with my friend from treatment. Finding myself back at square one.
At that time I was at a loss, but I look back now and see the mistakes I made. My hope is that someone entering, or considering entering drug and alcohol treatment can learn from my mistakes and not have to go to the lengths I have to get to a point of willingness.
To read more, check out: “Obsession and the Sobriety Triangle”