Let Go and Let God & Why am I so Afraid?

Let Go and Let God can be some of the easiest words to say, but they can also be the hardest to follow sometimes. As a recovering addict, I need to be sure to keep my ego in check. I need to accept I am not in charge of everything, nor anyone. Some days, I can barely keep my head about myself, but the best thing about this is that I am reminded daily that my addiction is just one drink away.

I had a life time of 'you're not good enough,' 'you're opinion doesn't really matter,' and a whole lot of other negative comments. This eventually led me to a life of trying to be perfect at everything I do. If I can't do something the best, I wouldn't do it at all. And that, dear reader, leads to mistrusting myself out of doing anything. I began to believe this, and over the years it became so ingrained in my subconscious that I still tend to go back in that direction from time to time. However, I do a much worse pounding on myself than anyone else ever has. Statements like, 'no one really cares,' 'you'll die and no one will even know you were here,' again, the list can go on and on. The result of this is that I begin to operate out of fear. I can be hurtful outward and inward.

This was one of the toughest things for me to accept when I was attending an alcohol detox. It was like speaking a foreign language to a deaf person who could only read lips in English.

What I've learned over the years of being sober is that I am more able to identify this calamity when it is happens. I don't catch it right off away, and it might take me a day or two, but I figure things out without having to get high. I need to step back and say, 'Let Go and Let God,' and I need to ask myself 'Why am I so afraid?' This question inevitably leads me to wonder the reality of the situation. Do I really have something to fear? The answer is no, or at least nothing I can't handle.

For me, the second of the two statements is what opens to the door to letting go. It's still not a cake walk going through the door way but I do the best I can, even if I do trip on the threshold occasionally. After all, I'm not perfect.