The Commitment of Meetings

Although I learned in alcohol detox and rehab that hitting meetings is very important, I have to admit going to meetings is something I don't care to do. Of course once I get there I find a sense of relief and inner joy. I think for me it's about the commitment of getting off the couch and going, or leaving the house early before work, or even leaving work and going to a meeting before heading home. It's about being responsible to me. I find myself saying, 'Well, I'm not at a bar, I'm not drinking, I'm okay.' That's a dangerous mantra.

Growing up, I structured everything. I had to. I had an inconsistent alcoholic parent. Of course I should just say I had an alcoholic parent. The word 'inconsistent' is overkill and is rather synonymous with 'alcoholic parent,' don't you think? Anyhow, I came to believe as a child that if I cleaned my room, got good grades, kept clean, played well with others, did well in sports or other activities, and didn't cause any problems at home I'd find contentedness. By the age of ten I was the perfect little boy; mister responsible.

Of course, I was hiding my feelings and didn't know how to allow myself a childhood. I was just surviving and trying to keep the peace. It didn't work all that well and eventually came back on me in later years. For me, drinking and getting drunk is how I gave myself permission to not be responsible. I used it as an excuse. I could be late, I could forget, I could be a jerk. I would just blame it on the fact I drank too much the night before. I'd apologize and do it again.

So, if you're new to sobriety, or even been around for a while, be sure to check in to meetings. Try to make friends, be visible and be seen. Keeping a close circle of like minded, sober friends will helps keep you sober.