Guest's blog

At a young age living with a parent with addiction it can be confusing. The inability to understand the up’s and down’s and why they cannot just stop can be a lot on a child. As an adult it is easier to understand what was going on and to feel sympathy towards your parent for what they are battling with.

We at Pat Moore Foundation continually reach out to others in the recovery community. Whether the person is in recovery, has a loved one in recovery or is a medical professional we work hard to bring all of us together. Our latest Guest Blog is from Lisa Frederiksen, of Breaking The Cycles. Please Enjoy and comment below! – Recovery Rob.

This post was provided by Hickory Wind Ranch, who Texas sober living for residents of Austin, Houston, Dallas, and more.

For more than eleven years, my life has been about alcoholism. When I met my ex-partner the signs were clear, but surely I could save him? Over the first six turbulent years, I was introduced to his demons, to his solace in alcohol, and I found out about my own needs to mother, smother and control the uncontrollable. I was in love with his humour and intelligence and soft, caring nature when he - as he often did - managed to stay away from the drink over longer periods of time; but they didn’t last.

In October of last year, the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Service Administration (SAMHSA) released a study that showed an increased rate of illicit drug use among members of the baby boomer generation (ages 50 - 59) of 3.1.

This is my journal entry from March of the year my son died. It's easy to see that I was in the anger stage of grief.

“If you loved me, you’d stop!” How many times have you said, pleaded or screamed these words at your husband, brother or daughter after a particularly nasty bout of drinking? How many times has your wife, sister or son promised to stop or cut down…drink no more than two a day or drink only on the week-ends? How many times has your heart been broken when this time turned out to be just like all of the times before?

I spent the year after Duane died just trying to keep myself busy. I got an anti-depressant from the doctor which helped some but I find that if you have something "real" to be depressed about, it doesn't totally mask that sadness. I remember I took a trip down to Florida where my oldest son, Johnny went after Duane died. He was broken and we sent him to live with his sister and her family. He was so fatalistic about life - saying stuff about if life is a game, he gives up, "they" win.

This is about my son Duane who died of a heroin overdose when he was 19. Don't think it's easy to talk about this just because it's been four years - it's not. I don't know if that will ever change. I grow weary just wondering at how it can still hurt after all this time. Of how I can still wish it wasn't so. Of how I re-think all that I did in this. Of how much I loved and continue to love that boy of mine, my Duane, my precious one. I only write this because (it's so cliche but) I want so much for someone to benefit from my family's experience with my mortal enemy, drugs.